THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF CINEMA

Went to the cinema last night to see the latest Harry Potter film. We had great tickets to a huge screen thanks to  Niko & Andi who got them for my birthday. We also went for an excellent meal beforehand (Ostrich, Antelope & Shark - yum) and were all thoroughly excited about the film. We made it to the seats in time, even though Niko and I had to down about 5 litres of Plum wine before we could leave the restaurant (I mistakenly hinted that the night was connected to my birthday) and we needed another 20 mins to carry the additional 400 litres of Plum wine we were sent away with (do they get a tax deduction for giving this stuff away?).
I took my place on the end of our group next to a lad of about 19 yrs (and let's get this clear - age is not an excuse for what comes next). The film started with me thinking that his loud discussion with his girlfriend would now stop and that he would now watch the film. It didn't. The next 4 hours (there was  a break) were a trial of my patience. He sent SMS messages every 5 minutes - once he even tried to answer his mobile!! He spoke - not whispered - continuously, he performed random actions such as placing his drinking straw in his mouth and pretending to smoke it with sound effects. I could go on and on. The worst bit of it all was my complete and utter passive britishness. Any right-minded person would have had a word early on, but I didn't.
Up until near the end of the film that is. PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! Job done.

Still yesterday brought the publication of the 10 Commandments of Cinema:

although these have UK cinemas in mind, they are a must for all cinemas worldwide. If you have ever suffered in any way through the actions of another person at a cinema then now is the time to raise your voice. Get your cinema to adopt these rules, display these rules, CELBRATE THESE RULES. All of them. Except for the one about Nachos. I love Nachos and I am a ninja when it comes to eating them. And they are always finished before the trailers even come on usually.
GET TO WORK!!!

p.s. Hello to Jason Isaacs.