We've got bags of goodies to nibble on :)
Darth Wormslurper & Lord Cinderbottom
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Sunday 31 October 2010
Saturday 30 October 2010
Diary of a non-smoker: Day 2, I curse Sir Walter Raleigh
Actually today wasn't that bad.
Apart from the puking. Indiscriminate, projectile, runny vomit.
No not mine, but I'll get back to that in a minute.
Today I'm a little drained. Not quite a smoker, not yet a proper non-smoker. I spent a lot of time outdoors with the youngest today. We were playing Crazy Volleyball (© Jamie Cain), you know, the sport where your children bounce on the trampoline and you have to play volleyball with them from outside the trampo. Don't know it yet? Well get started, it's gonna be THE extreme sport of 2011. Anyway, whilst playing the youngest picked up some of the leaves that had just blown onto the trampoline, carried them towards me before letting them fly and shouting "LOSER CONFETTI!".
Brilliant.
Still no ciggies :D
Apart from the puking. Indiscriminate, projectile, runny vomit.
No not mine, but I'll get back to that in a minute.
Today I'm a little drained. Not quite a smoker, not yet a proper non-smoker. I spent a lot of time outdoors with the youngest today. We were playing Crazy Volleyball (© Jamie Cain), you know, the sport where your children bounce on the trampoline and you have to play volleyball with them from outside the trampo. Don't know it yet? Well get started, it's gonna be THE extreme sport of 2011. Anyway, whilst playing the youngest picked up some of the leaves that had just blown onto the trampoline, carried them towards me before letting them fly and shouting "LOSER CONFETTI!".
Brilliant.
LOSER CONFETTI
So anyway, the puke. It was the oldest's. My wife has an uncanny habit of dodging puke. Ever since the kids were babies I have been a puke magnet. Siegrid could hold a sick child for hours and it will not be sick. It only needs to come within my general proximity and the bluetouch paper gets lit. And today? The oldest came home and let rip all through the house, poor thing. Siegrid? Out on a photoshoot. Out shopping, etc.
Some people have all the luck.
Still no ciggies :D
Thursday 28 October 2010
Diary of a non-smoker: Day 1, A clean plate.
I quit the cigarettes last night (again). To ease me through the tricky initial phase I thought I'd share my thoughts with you.
Day One
6.30 - made it to work without the usual crafty cig while waiting to be picked up; inclusive bag of fruit, nuts, and sugar for tea readily packed. the 0° cold at that time of the morning makes it easier to head indoors without having a smoke first
6.45 - once at my desk I arrange my fruit nicely in a bowl, make a cup of tea and sit down.
6.46 - the mental itching starts
6.50 - have a satsuma - "fruit up"!
6.51 - grrrr
7.05 - have an "überlebenskäse" (leberkäsesemmel/liver cheese butty)
7.30 - grrrr!
8.00 - Andrea arrives at work with advent calendars for me & the woaz -
Mine features Santa's workshop where the child labourers (they aren't elves, where are the beards eh?) seem pretty happy - I don't see what all the fuss over child slavery is about. However that standard of presents they are making is rather worrying me: no ps3, xbox or wii in sight. Their disregard for Health & Safety is shocking too. They are using candles on a real, very flammable christmas tree, using chairs to reach up high, they have a rodent problem and they are using chemicals in the immediate vicinity of food. I would even suggest the general good mood of the workers may be attributed to the paint fumes in a poorly ventilated room.
I am very happy with my Santa's Sweatshop Calendar. It takes a brave company to promote capitalism ahead of human rights at any time of year, but to do this mixed in with xmas is genius. Well done Douceur!
Woaz's calendar is also strangely surreal. Santa appears to have fallen out of his sleigh and is plummetting towards earth - though he has not yet realised this, or he's too drunk to care. Below him the kids are celebrating this. I would guess that these are the disenfranchised "bad" kids who were not expecting to get anything, but now find themselves in the midst of a gift shower. The lack of reindeer in the scene suggests that santa fell out at a greater height. The fact that his sack has ripped suggests that sharp hooves may have helped to push him out. This "accident" was probably a result of the neglectful conditions we saw in Santa's workshop for small children the other calendar. Judging by those standards, the Reindeer were kept in battery conditions and forced to feed on the corpses of their disease-ridden brethren.
8.20 - The excitement of the calendars being over, I have an apple
8.25 - Grrrr (this is the sound of me mentally (not physically) grinding my teeth)
8.30 - I have a satsuma. it's now 8.30 in the morning and half of my satsumas have gone :(
8.40 - Good news, my colleague Max and I strike a deal whereby the remains of our sport kitty will be used for the purchasing of pizza at lunchtime. Result! (the rest of the sport kitty was used for getting drunk with, obviously)
9.00 - Now breaktime. To distract myself, I make a small art installation in our kitchen with the help of the woaz.
With 'The death of Wedgwood' in place, return to desk. Meh.
9.20 Random moments keep occurring where I'm thinking "oh I could have a cigarette now!", before remembering I've stopped. Out of experience, I know these moments are a big part of the initial struggle as my mind struggles to give up old routines and habits.
9.24 GrrrRrrr
9.30 I seem to have a mild burning behind my eyeballs - stretching back towards my brain. This is the nicotine leaving my body. I kind of feel like taking two pencils and stabbing my eyes.
9.31 GRRRrrr
9.32 At least I'm not irritable ;)
9.40 The bit I'm dreading is when Siegrid finds out. It is always causes friction when she knows I've stopped, because she then expects me to be snappy and almost provokes it. Nicotine junkie paranoia? Maybe...
I plan on not telling her for as long as possible - I've fallen at THAT hurdle before. This would mean not blogging this though. Sh1te. I'll guess she'll know by tomorrow - unless she doesn't actually read my blog...
9.45 I've spent most of the morning listening to Bill Callahan. This may be influencing my mood. Time to change to Mumford & Sons..
.
9.50 Siegrid rang. Didn't mention it....
10.00 I think I will end up drinking waaaaay too much tea today. That's already 5 mugs down and the morning's just getting going.
10.05 Abandoned Mumford & Sons. For silence. Aural stimulation is not helping me right now
10.15 It would seem the art installation wasn't to everyone's taste. The murder victim has been partially tidied up, presumably by the offender, looking to cover his/her tracks.
10.16-10.59 GrrrrrrrRRRR
11.00 only 2 pcs. fruit left
11.03 Ordered lunch for the office, 57 mins to pizza time :)
11.05 tea no. 6
11.43 nearly pizza time. sigh.
11.48 nearly pizza time. piiiiiiizza pizza pizza piiiiiizza time.
11.53 oh come ooooooooooon....
12.45
mmmmm, piiiizzzza -is there nothing in the world you can't make better? (Apart from eating disorders, obesity etc. - duh!). That was an absolute beauty. Doner kebab meat, pineapple, chili. And a huge portion thereof. mmmmm.
12.57 still have the itchy eyeballs - I wish I could curl up in a ball somewhere and have a bit of shuteye...
13.00 meh
13.37 it's crazy how often I'm having unsolicited thoughts about cigarettes - again, it's only weird because I would normally react to these thoughts by going for a smoke, but today it means reminding myself that I don't smoke
13.42 a good cup of tea does the job
13.45 fruit bowl only has 1 pc. left :( maybe this is how Wedgwood bought it - he just couldn't provide anymore...
14.00-15.30 repeated banging of head on desk brings light relief, then home
I hope I get on better tomorrow, but at least none smoked today :D
Day One
6.30 - made it to work without the usual crafty cig while waiting to be picked up; inclusive bag of fruit, nuts, and sugar for tea readily packed. the 0° cold at that time of the morning makes it easier to head indoors without having a smoke first
6.45 - once at my desk I arrange my fruit nicely in a bowl, make a cup of tea and sit down.
6.46 - the mental itching starts
6.50 - have a satsuma - "fruit up"!
6.51 - grrrr
7.05 - have an "überlebenskäse" (leberkäsesemmel/liver cheese butty)
7.30 - grrrr!
8.00 - Andrea arrives at work with advent calendars for me & the woaz -
I am very happy with my Santa's Sweatshop Calendar. It takes a brave company to promote capitalism ahead of human rights at any time of year, but to do this mixed in with xmas is genius. Well done Douceur!
Woaz's calendar is also strangely surreal. Santa appears to have fallen out of his sleigh and is plummetting towards earth - though he has not yet realised this, or he's too drunk to care. Below him the kids are celebrating this. I would guess that these are the disenfranchised "bad" kids who were not expecting to get anything, but now find themselves in the midst of a gift shower. The lack of reindeer in the scene suggests that santa fell out at a greater height. The fact that his sack has ripped suggests that sharp hooves may have helped to push him out. This "accident" was probably a result of the neglectful conditions we saw in Santa's workshop for small children the other calendar. Judging by those standards, the Reindeer were kept in battery conditions and forced to feed on the corpses of their disease-ridden brethren.
8.20 - The excitement of the calendars being over, I have an apple
8.25 - Grrrr (this is the sound of me mentally (not physically) grinding my teeth)
8.30 - I have a satsuma. it's now 8.30 in the morning and half of my satsumas have gone :(
8.40 - Good news, my colleague Max and I strike a deal whereby the remains of our sport kitty will be used for the purchasing of pizza at lunchtime. Result! (the rest of the sport kitty was used for getting drunk with, obviously)
9.00 - Now breaktime. To distract myself, I make a small art installation in our kitchen with the help of the woaz.
With 'The death of Wedgwood' in place, return to desk. Meh.
9.20 Random moments keep occurring where I'm thinking "oh I could have a cigarette now!", before remembering I've stopped. Out of experience, I know these moments are a big part of the initial struggle as my mind struggles to give up old routines and habits.
9.24 GrrrRrrr
9.30 I seem to have a mild burning behind my eyeballs - stretching back towards my brain. This is the nicotine leaving my body. I kind of feel like taking two pencils and stabbing my eyes.
9.31 GRRRrrr
9.32 At least I'm not irritable ;)
9.40 The bit I'm dreading is when Siegrid finds out. It is always causes friction when she knows I've stopped, because she then expects me to be snappy and almost provokes it. Nicotine junkie paranoia? Maybe...
I plan on not telling her for as long as possible - I've fallen at THAT hurdle before. This would mean not blogging this though. Sh1te. I'll guess she'll know by tomorrow - unless she doesn't actually read my blog...
9.45 I've spent most of the morning listening to Bill Callahan. This may be influencing my mood. Time to change to Mumford & Sons..
.
9.50 Siegrid rang. Didn't mention it....
10.00 I think I will end up drinking waaaaay too much tea today. That's already 5 mugs down and the morning's just getting going.
10.05 Abandoned Mumford & Sons. For silence. Aural stimulation is not helping me right now
10.15 It would seem the art installation wasn't to everyone's taste. The murder victim has been partially tidied up, presumably by the offender, looking to cover his/her tracks.
10.16-10.59 GrrrrrrrRRRR
11.00 only 2 pcs. fruit left
11.03 Ordered lunch for the office, 57 mins to pizza time :)
11.05 tea no. 6
11.43 nearly pizza time. sigh.
11.48 nearly pizza time. piiiiiiizza pizza pizza piiiiiizza time.
11.53 oh come ooooooooooon....
12.45
mmmmm, piiiizzzza -is there nothing in the world you can't make better? (Apart from eating disorders, obesity etc. - duh!). That was an absolute beauty. Doner kebab meat, pineapple, chili. And a huge portion thereof. mmmmm.
12.57 still have the itchy eyeballs - I wish I could curl up in a ball somewhere and have a bit of shuteye...
13.00 meh
13.37 it's crazy how often I'm having unsolicited thoughts about cigarettes - again, it's only weird because I would normally react to these thoughts by going for a smoke, but today it means reminding myself that I don't smoke
13.42 a good cup of tea does the job
13.45 fruit bowl only has 1 pc. left :( maybe this is how Wedgwood bought it - he just couldn't provide anymore...
14.00-15.30 repeated banging of head on desk brings light relief, then home
I hope I get on better tomorrow, but at least none smoked today :D
Saturday 16 October 2010
The calm before the storm
Last week I shot my wife - this week I cut her up!
That is, I used the "Cutout" filter in Photoshop ;) What on earth were you thinking?
That is, I used the "Cutout" filter in Photoshop ;) What on earth were you thinking?
Siegrid waiting for customers, Lake Holzoster
Thursday 14 October 2010
the michael bayifier
it's probably the best photo software tool ever - the Michael Bayifier.
It has the power to turn even the most mundane photo into a scene straight from a Michael Bay film (you know, films like Transformers, Bad Boys II, The Rock, Armageddon, Transformers II, Pearl Harbor, errr... Transformers III).
This is my effort - I call it Bad Boys III: Boys on the Roof. And yes, that is Shia Labeouf...
Keep your eyes peeled for Transformers IV
It has the power to turn even the most mundane photo into a scene straight from a Michael Bay film (you know, films like Transformers, Bad Boys II, The Rock, Armageddon, Transformers II, Pearl Harbor, errr... Transformers III).
This is my effort - I call it Bad Boys III: Boys on the Roof. And yes, that is Shia Labeouf...
Keep your eyes peeled for Transformers IV
Wednesday 13 October 2010
International Suit Up Day - Named and Shamed
Imagine if you will a galaxy far, far away. Luke Skywalker is about to make the Death Star trench run in his X-Wing. The hopes of millions of oppressed souls await the success of this rebel attack against the ultimate weapon of mass destruction. He lowers his ship into the trench, turns off the targeting computer (use the force Luke!) and then:
Darth Vader cruises up behind him and fires a couple of lazy blasts.
Luke's ship gets blown up.
Luke dies.
Darth Vader flies home and has smoked kipper for breakfast.
The galaxy suffers further tyranny at the hands of the Empire for millenia.
How did this happen? What kind of twisted parallel universe is this? A WORLD WITHOUT WINGMEN!
A good wingman or two is a necessity. In my example above, their absence meant that Vader could concentrate on wiping out the Rebels' "New Hope".
In reality (yes, that's where I'm going with this) Luke had wingmen who diverted Vader's attention away long enough to allow Luke to be in a position to make the shot. Whether those wingmen were the cannon fodder of red squadron, or the knight in shining millenium falcon that was Han Solo; the result is the same. We all, from the lowliest office worker to the most prominent Jedis, need wingmen.
All of which brings me to International Suit Up Day. The day when a bro can expect his bros to upheld the bro code. When a man should be able to rely on his wingmen. Two such wingmen failed in their duties today. Spicy and Woaz, enjoy your moment of shame...
Ah, the man himself showing us all how it's done
In the word(s) of Darth Vader: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Happy International Suit Up Day everybody, see you again 13th October 2011...
Tuesday 12 October 2010
Footsteps
It is not the job of the next generation to retread our footsteps, nor ours to compel them. Even if their journeys should end in the same destination - they should be journeys of wonder and discovery, not duty.
Saturday 9 October 2010
Yesterday I shot my wife
Well, I'd better clarify that - these aren't the opening lyrics to my debut country & western song. No, Siegrid and I found ourselves with 10 minutes to kill this afternoon and unusually, this meant that she thrust her precious camera into my hands.
Siegrid's new mug, a little prezzie from England
The obligatory foot fetish shot...
The joys of shooting a photographer are many, especially when you are married to that photographer. "Why?" you ask?:
- She is the only beautiful woman I am allowed to photograph. For the rest of my life.
- She presets the camera to her preferences
- She tells me exactly what photos I'm going to take.
- She offers plenty of helpful tips, whether I want them or not
- etc.
Just joking (obviously). We celebrated our birthdays over the last 2 weeks and we're hoping to grab a weekend away sans enfants soon. I fancy revisiting Prague as it would be a dream for taking photos, but any suggestions are welcome!
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