Diary of a non-smoker: Day 1, A clean plate.

I quit the cigarettes last night (again). To ease me through the tricky initial phase I thought I'd share my thoughts with you.



Day One

6.30 - made it to work without the usual crafty cig while waiting to be picked up; inclusive bag of fruit, nuts, and sugar for tea readily packed. the 0° cold at that time of the morning makes it easier to head indoors without having a smoke first

6.45 - once at my desk I arrange my fruit nicely in a bowl, make a cup of tea and sit down.

6.46 - the mental itching starts

6.50 - have a satsuma - "fruit up"!

6.51 - grrrr

7.05 - have an "überlebenskäse" (leberkäsesemmel/liver cheese butty)

7.30 - grrrr!

8.00 - Andrea arrives at work with advent calendars for me & the woaz -

Mine features Santa's workshop where the child labourers (they aren't elves, where are the beards eh?) seem pretty happy - I don't see what all the fuss over child slavery is about. However that standard of presents they are making is rather worrying me: no ps3, xbox or wii in sight. Their disregard for Health & Safety is shocking too. They are using candles on a real, very flammable christmas tree, using chairs to reach up high, they have a rodent problem and they are using chemicals in the immediate vicinity of food. I would even suggest the general good mood of the workers may be attributed to the paint fumes in a poorly ventilated room.

I am very happy with my Santa's Sweatshop Calendar. It takes a brave company to promote capitalism ahead of human rights at any time of year, but to do this mixed in with xmas is genius. Well done Douceur!

Woaz's calendar is also strangely surreal. Santa appears to have fallen out of his sleigh and is plummetting towards earth - though he has not yet realised this, or he's too drunk to care. Below him the kids are celebrating this. I would guess that these are the disenfranchised "bad" kids who were not expecting to get anything, but now find themselves in the midst of a gift shower. The lack of reindeer in the scene suggests that santa fell out at a greater height. The fact that his sack has ripped suggests that sharp hooves may have helped to push him out. This "accident" was probably a result of the neglectful conditions we saw in Santa's workshop for small children the other calendar. Judging by those standards, the Reindeer were kept in battery conditions and forced to feed on the corpses of their disease-ridden brethren.


8.20 - The excitement of the calendars being over, I have an apple

8.25 - Grrrr (this is the sound of me mentally (not physically) grinding my teeth)

8.30 - I have a satsuma. it's now 8.30 in the morning and half of my satsumas have gone :(

8.40 - Good news, my colleague Max and I strike a deal whereby the remains of our sport kitty will be used for the purchasing of pizza at lunchtime. Result! (the rest of the sport kitty was used for getting drunk with, obviously)

9.00 - Now breaktime. To distract myself, I make a small art installation in our kitchen with the help of the woaz.

With 'The death of Wedgwood' in place, return to desk. Meh.

9.20 Random moments keep occurring where I'm thinking "oh I could have a cigarette now!", before remembering I've stopped. Out of experience, I know these moments are a big part of the initial struggle as my mind struggles to give up old routines and habits.

9.24 GrrrRrrr

9.30 I seem to have a mild burning behind my eyeballs - stretching back towards my brain. This is the nicotine leaving my body. I kind of feel like taking two pencils and stabbing my eyes.

9.31 GRRRrrr

9.32 At least I'm not irritable ;)

9.40 The bit I'm dreading is when Siegrid finds out. It is always causes friction when she knows I've stopped, because she then expects me to be snappy and almost provokes it. Nicotine junkie paranoia? Maybe...
I plan on not telling her for as long as possible - I've fallen at THAT hurdle before. This would mean not blogging this though. Sh1te. I'll guess she'll know by tomorrow - unless she doesn't actually read my blog...

9.45 I've spent most of the morning listening to Bill Callahan. This may be influencing my mood. Time to change to Mumford & Sons..
.
9.50 Siegrid rang. Didn't mention it....

10.00 I think I will end up drinking waaaaay too much tea today. That's already 5 mugs down and the morning's just getting going.

10.05 Abandoned Mumford & Sons. For silence. Aural stimulation is not helping me right now

10.15 It would seem the art installation wasn't to everyone's taste. The murder victim has been partially tidied up, presumably by the offender, looking to cover his/her tracks.

10.16-10.59 GrrrrrrrRRRR

11.00 only 2 pcs. fruit left

11.03 Ordered lunch for the office, 57 mins to pizza time :)

11.05  tea no. 6

11.43 nearly pizza time. sigh.

11.48 nearly pizza time. piiiiiiizza pizza pizza piiiiiizza time.

11.53 oh come ooooooooooon....

12.45

mmmmm, piiiizzzza -is there nothing in the world you can't make better? (Apart from eating disorders, obesity etc. - duh!). That was an absolute beauty. Doner kebab meat, pineapple, chili. And a huge portion thereof. mmmmm.

12.57 still have the itchy eyeballs - I wish I could curl up in a ball somewhere and have a bit of shuteye...

13.00 meh

13.37 it's crazy how often I'm having unsolicited thoughts about cigarettes - again, it's only weird because I would normally react to these thoughts by going for a smoke, but today it means reminding myself that I don't smoke

13.42 a good cup of tea does the job

13.45 fruit bowl only has 1 pc. left :( maybe this is how Wedgwood bought it - he just couldn't provide anymore...


14.00-15.30 repeated banging of head on desk brings light relief, then home


I hope I get on better tomorrow, but at least none smoked today :D